Melting in the Desert and Finding Myself.
"Gross! Why would you do that?" That's the response I typically get when I tell people I moved to Phoenix from San Diego. And I get it. San Diego is a beautiful city with miles of breathtaking beaches, flawless weather year round, and a rich culture fueled by it's proximity to Mexico and the ocean. There's a reason people vacation there. Phoenix on the other hand...well it's hot, dusty, and not exactly a cultural hub (unless you love golf). But no matter the stereotypes, I felt like I had to move here. It's been two years now and these are the lessons I learned uprooting my life to live in another state.
That Voice In Your Head...
Something intangible always attracted me to Arizona. My hometown is a quick 45 minute drive from the California/Arizona border so I grew up visiting often. Because of this, I have a deep nostalgia for desert climates. It's bizarre. Up until about 100 degrees I actually enjoy the feeling of desert heat. So in early 2021, when life was a shit show for just about everyone, I started visiting Arizona as a way to escape.
Over the next year I ended up visiting 5 times. I'd drive to Tucson and then finish the trip in Phoenix, or vice versa. And each time I left with a feeling that I was never supposed to leave the desert. No matter what I heard from friends when I would bring it up, "It's so hot though!" "Isn't it a red state?" "What's even out there?" the idea kept playing over in my head. The desert was my home at one point, and I needed to go back.
In hindsight, this perpetual nagging that my brain kept doing was actually my first lesson in this journey. If your head and your heart keep telling you something, at some point you have to listen. But that doesn't mean act immediately.
Think in Years, Not Days
We tend to romanticize big life changes as something that happens quickly. An epiphany while sitting in traffic starts a new chapter the next day. A thought during your morning coffee manifests changes in your perspective forever. But rarely is that the case. Below is the timeline from my first trip back in 2021, to moving here in September 2022.
That's almost 2 years from the time I first thought about moving, to the time it actually happened. Two years of wondering. Was I actually going to like it, or was I just fooling myself? Two years of planning. How much money would it cost? What neighborhood would I move to? Two years of doubting. Why leave a city like San Diego, my home since I was 17?
It's easy to jump on Youtube or Instagram and find videos that support your decision to move. But to really do it, to jump through all the hoops and mental hurdles it takes to move to another state, there is no fast forward button. This might seem obvious, but in a culture run by instant gratification I'll say it anyways: big decisions take time and careful consideration.
Even then, there's no guarantee they'll work out.
Chaos Follows
When I moved to Phoenix I had a plan. I spent 6 months saving money and working on a big career transition. I sold my business and I was ready to take everything I learned about marketing to the agency world. And guess what? It worked!! The first week in town I landed a remote job with an agency building websites and apps. Cush salary, great benefits, make my own schedule. This was everything I hoped for and some. Until it wasn't.
I was lucky enough to run my own business for 4 years, so I could sense what was coming. I got hired on after the agency landed a big client that was going to send them a lot of work. Well it turns out that was a premature decision as the client was difficult to work with and not really worth the money. When I began picking up on this I assumed my time was running out too. Bingo.
Not even a year into it, I lost my job. At first I felt liberated. I could just apply the same determination and execution that had got me that job in the first place. Instead what followed was 6 hellish months. I couldn't find another job, I used up all my savings, and I stress ate until I put on 20lbs.
My first year in Phoenix was defined by setbacks and struggle. Essentially the opposite of what I thought I was doing by moving here. But that was the lesson I needed:
No matter where you go, life is going to follow you.
You will have setbacks, pain, and struggle. You'll be lonely and isolated. You'll question your decisions. But you'll also have intense highs where the clouds part. You'll see a pretty sunset and remember it is worth it. You'll meet a new friend and get drinks together. And in these moments, time slows down. Everything you risked and all that time you spent wondering suddenly makes sense.
These are the moments and the lessons you have to go through to become the person you want to be. Listen to that voice in your head if it keeps coming back, take the time to research and answer your own questions, and lastly, be prepared for happiness and sadness to follow you wherever you go. Because this my friend, is what it takes to be human.
Onward.